Let your Yes mean Yes and your No mean No
Do you ever find yourself saying yes to something and regretting it later? Today’s tip is just for you.
Sometimes we say yes (or no) because we feel obliged to. Or because we feel guilty. Or because we’re more willing to put other people’s needs before our own.
And whilst this can often come from a place of great intention, if it’s your default mode then it can lead to resentment and more feelings of guilt in the long run.
Picture this: someone asks you to do something and although you don’t really want to do it, you find yourself saying yes. And because you don’t really want to do it, you start to become resentful about the person who asked you, the task itself, the time required to do it and so on.
You might even start to resent yourself and give yourself a hard time for having said yes in the first place. And if giving yourself a hard time is one of your specialist subjects, you might take this little thing and run a mile with it and make it mean a whole lot more than the fact that you said yes when you wanted to say no.
You might go ahead with what you agreed to, feeling hard done by and maybe even allowing a dash of victim or martyr to come to play (hey, we’re all human after all). Or maybe you end up feigning illness or creating an elaborate excuse to get out of it (again, you’re human and I totally get it).
How about you take a different approach next time?Imagine you made a commitment to yourself that your yes always means yes and your no always means no.
What does this mean in practice?
- It means pausing and feeling into a decision before you say yes or no.
- It means giving yourself permission to stand by your decisions once you make them.
- It means saying yes to things that you truly want to say yes to, and then carrying through with them.
- It means saying no to things you don’t want to do, from an empowered place, and being very comfortable with your no.
Once you put intention into your decisions they become deliberate, not reactive. This means you’re making empowered choices.
When you commit to making your decisions intentional, your yes will mean yes and your no will mean no and you can you remove guilt, obligation and resentment from the equation.
By the way, this doesn’t mean you can never change your mind! Of course there will be times when things change, or more information comes to light, or time becomes available. You always have the right to change your mind. This is simply a practice in becoming more aware and intentional about what you say yes or no to, so you can liberate yourself from regretting your yes or no.
Experiment with this today and notice what happens - and please let me know how you progress.
Go well,
Ruth
PS - If you find decision-making hard and struggle to say no, I’ve got your back!Look out for some future tips on making decisions and saying no.