Letting go of perfection (whether or not you think you're a perfectionist)

If you’re anything like me, you don’t consider yourself to be a perfectionist. It’s something I’ve been accused of on a number of occasions, but it’s never something I saw in myself.

I wasn’t coming from a place of faux-modesty, and it wasn’t because I could see that perfectionism had its downsides. I genuinely didn’t see myself that way because in my mind, a perfectionist wouldn’t have an untidy desk or an overflowing inbox or be wearing an un-ironed t-shirt. To me, a perfectionist would demand perfection in every single aspect of their life. So I continued to tell myself I wasn’t a perfectionist, I just liked certain things to be done in a particular way and to a particular standard.

I know, I know, that sounds a lot like perfectionism when I put it like that.

Here’s what I’ve come to learn about myself:

• I had a big ol’ issue about being judged by other people.

• I had a substantial level of discomfort around not being really good at something first time round.

• I really disliked making mistakes.

It really doesn’t matter whether I labeled these things as perfectionism or not, they were holding me back.

You see, fear of judgement stops us doing things, especially bold things. It can stop us being true to ourselves.

Discomfort at not being good at something prevents us persevering and practicing and trying hard. It allows us to quit rather than put in more effort.

A dislike of making mistakes curtails our creativity and keeps us small and safe, rather than experimenting and taking risks.

None of those things are conducive to our success and to reaching our full potential. They allow us to procrastinate, to avoid taking action, to give up rather than keep going. They can keep us boxed in and cautious, or under the radar and silent.

If you recognise any of the above in yourself, it really doesn’t matter whether you consider yourself a perfectionist or not. It isn’t about the label. It’s about recognising it in yourself and challenging yourself to do something differently.

Here are a few things I’ve done to change this for myself:

• I’ve realised that my concern around being judged was related to my own self-judgement and my own judgement of others, and I’ve had to do a lot to shift and re-frame this.

• I’ve allowed myself to adopt a beginner’s mindset and to be in the learning process, not expecting to be brilliant at everything first time.

• I’ve learned to accept that mistakes are human and that they give us an amazing opportunity to learn.

My business coach frequently says “Done is better than perfect” and I’ve used this approach many times to take action and bring things to fruition, rather than holding off waiting for the ‘right’ moment (which doesn’t actually exist).

If any of this resonates with you, allow yourself to be a little imperfect. Be human. Be curious with yourself. Try something new and enjoy being a learner.

If you’d like to explore this in more detail, you know I’d love to support you so please message me or set up a time to talk.

I’ll leave you with this quote I came across recently that gives a lovely perspective on making mistakes:

“When you stumble, make it part of the dance”.

Go well,

Ruth