When it’s okay to compare yourself to others
Do you tend to compare yourself to others around you? If so, how does it make you feel?
Chances are, comparing yourself to other people is a highway to feeling bad about yourself. And you might rationally understand that you’re not seeing the whole picture and that it isn’t doing you any good to compare yourself to them, but you find it hard to stop.
Here’s my tip on how to re-frame the comparison if it’s something you can’t let go of entirely: Allow yourself learn and be inspired by them.
Think about someone you perceive to be further ahead than you are. Maybe they have your ideal job or business. Perhaps they’ve got the toned body of your dreams. Or maybe they have a lifestyle you’d love.
In an ideal world you’d be so focused on doing your own thing that it wouldn’t even occur to you to compare yourself to them. But human nature being what it is, I’m guessing you’ll have at least occasional moments of mentally lining yourself up next to them for comparison. So I’m not going to tell you to stop doing it*.
I am however going to suggest you get curious.
Ask yourself:
“How can I learn from them?”
“How can I use them to inspire me?”
Asking yourself these questions can propel you forward to take action to achieve what you desire.
Look at the outcomes the other person has (the job, the body, the lifestyle etc) and get curious about how they got to where they are. What actions did they take? What beliefs did they have? How did they motivate themselves? What did they do that you aren’t doing that has helped them get to where they are?
Depending on who they are, ask them or study them in more detail to get clues so you can learn from them.
And allow yourself to be inspired by the possibility of achieving the things you most want to achieve. Their success is possible for you as well.
So the next time you find yourself scrolling through social media in comparison mode, check in on your motive. Are you doing it to learn and be inspired? If so, it can be a resourceful technique to move you forward.
If you’re noticing you find it hard to stop comparing yourself to others, schedule a call to talk about how I can help you with this.
Let me know how you get on with this!
Ruth
*PS If you do want to stop comparing yourself to others, fantastic! Here are a couple of tips to support you:
- Remember that you’re not seeing the full picture. On social media in particular, you’re only seeing a carefully curated version of their reality - you’re seeing what they want you to see. Beware of comparing your behind the scenes to their highlights reel.
- Remember that we tend to compare ourselves to people who we perceive are in some way better than us, who have or do more than us, or who are further ahead than us. Pause to consider that there might be people watching you who feel that you are further ahead than them. Someone might envy your job, or your success, or your relationship, or your level of health and wellbeing.
- Be grateful for where you are right now and what you already have. Reflect on the progress you’ve already made and give yourself permission to be exactly where you are. Even if you desire more, it’s powerful to appreciate what you currently have.