Why you need to get better at celebrating.
What do you do when you achieve something or make progress? Do you talk about it, acknowledge it, and recognise it? Or do you simply move on to the next thing without missing a beat?
If you’re like a lot of people I work with, you’re probably more likely to do the latter. And whilst that might be common, I’m here to suggest to you that you might want to re-think this approach.
I work with a lot of high achievers and people with incredible skills, talent and potential. And honestly, it’s a bit heartbreaking to see how many of them squirm at the suggestion they acknowledge and celebrate their successes. Some of them don’t simply skim over praise and positive feedback, they seem to literally not hear or see it. Some deflect compliments as swiftly as Serena Williams returning a serve. Some do all of these things and more!
Does any of this sound familiar?
Many of us were taught that it’s absolutely not the done thing to talk about our success or our strengths or our achievements. I’ve noticed that my friends in the USA seem to have a much healthier approach to this, but having grown up in the UK and moved to New Zealand, I was very unused to an environment of self-recognition.
Nobody enjoys being around boastful people who think they’re the best thing since sliced bread. Over-inflated egos are at best irritating and at worst destructive. I’m not suggesting for a moment that you turn into an unaware braggart whose favourite subject is me, myself and I.
But this isn’t a black and white matter. It’s isn’t true that you either never talk about your achievements or you’re a conceited blowbag. Newsflash: there are many shades of grey in between!
I used to be the person who would scan feedback and performance reviews for the negative comments, conveniently glossing over the many positive things that were said. I once received 360 feedback and was incredibly relieved that in the main, my self-scores were lower than the scores other people gave me. It was a bit of a shock when my coach pointed out that this meant I didn’t really understand my impact and could do with improving my self-awareness.
Here are a few things I’ve learned since then:
- True self-awareness isn’t merely about understanding your development areas. It’s about really understanding your impact and knowing your strengths as well as your development opportunities.
- There’s a humility in being able to understand and acknowledge your strengths. False modesty doesn’t serve anyone well.
- When you notice your accomplishments and stop to acknowledge and celebrate them, you help set yourself up for more success. You’ll get a nice wee hit of endorphins, which will feel great. This feeling helps reinforce your success because you’ll want to repeat it.
- When you celebrate progress and learning, you prime yourself to continue to make progress and learn, which is likely to result in you taking more steps forward.
- Deflecting praise or compliments is actually pretty rude to the person giving them. Think how you’d feel if you said to a colleague “that was a great piece of work” and their response was “oh I really didn’t think it went well”. Or if you told a friend “you look amazing in that outfit” and their reply was “no I don’t, I look really fat today”. It’s a bit insulting because they’re essentially telling you your opinion is wrong and your taste sucks! So if you tend to do this, it’s time to start gracefully accepting compliments and praise.
- Celebrations don’t have to involve bottles of champagne and big parties. Simply acknowledging achievements and progress and noticing how this makes you feel is a great starting point.
My suggestion for you today is to reflect on whether any of the above resonates with you. Could you do with dialling up your focus on your achievements and owning your strengths? Is it time to get a bit better at accepting praise and regularly celebrating progress and success?
One practical way you can do this is to find 15 minutes between now and the end of the year to look back at what you’ve achieved. What are you proud of? What have you learned? What progress have you made (big and small)? Really acknowledge them, feel into them and celebrate yourself for them.
Champagne is of course optional :-)
And please do reply to this email to let me know what you’re celebrating (especially if you don’t have anyone else you feel able to tell). I’d love to hear your progress and achievements and celebrate with you.
With love,
Ruth